she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
