How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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