I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize