well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
i think im in europe. pls send help
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize