If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
