wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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