You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
