Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
