I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
i believe in u and ur pee
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize