he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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