There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
