he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
