Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
