it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
