I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
