O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
