I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I checked into jail on foursquare
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize
