Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
