Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
