omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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