Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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