Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
