My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
