Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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