you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize