I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize