I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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