He uses pillows to masturbate.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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