I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
