It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
