Me too!
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
