can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
