this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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