opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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