I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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