all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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