he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
