There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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