from now on my penis is your penis
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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