My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
