I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
