PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize