Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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