just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
