But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
