Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
