It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
