If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
