I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
