Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize