in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
