that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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