i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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