If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize