If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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