Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
