I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize