Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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