my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Slut skills are useful in every country.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
