I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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