Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
