Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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