I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
