The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
