but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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