i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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