you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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