omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
