You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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