we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Randomize
