..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
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